Brothers & Basketball
by Clubhouse Treats
Summary: KG's discomfort with getting older leads him to develop an inferiority complex after RK finally beats him in a game of basketball.
1. Brothers & Basketball Script

_Thank You, Heavenly_

Theme Song: "Let It Roll" by Divide the Day

SEASON 8

EPISODE 7

Airdate: November 17, 2019

"Brothers & Basketball" (cover of the _My Wife and Kids _episode "Of Breasts and Basketball")

Special Guest Stars: Larisa Oleynik as Denise

_Original teleplay written by Eunetta T. Boone_

_#TYH808_

SCENE 1

The Jennings Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

_One afternoon, KG is watching TV when RK walks downstairs with a basketball. RK heads towards the kitchen when KG notices the basketball. _

KG: Hey, what do you have over there, bro?

RK: Oh, nothing. I'm just getting ready to practice my game.

KG: Your game? You should have came to me, bro. I could have taught you the fundamentals.

RK: The fundamentals? Who are you, Gregg Popovich?

KG: I'm just saying, basketball is a delicate art that needs to be appreciated. I don't know if you know this, but your older brother was a star back in the day.

RK: Well, yeah, but you don't play anymore. You're an old man, you can't keep up with today's youth.

KG: Hey, that's insulting. I might be a high school freshman, but I can still move like a fifth grade LeBron.

RK: Sure. Face it, man, it's just not your time anymore. Your moves are outdated, your skills are worn out, and you don't have the panache anymore. It's okay.

KG: Oh, and you have the panache?

RK: Damn right. I have so much panache, they had to pass laws to limit my panache intake.

KG: Cute. If your white ass really has the panache, let's see your game.

RK: Fine with me.

SCENE 2

The Jennings Household

Exterior Backyard

Seattle, Washington

_KG watches as RK dribbles and shows off his handles, while not shooting the ball._

KG: You want to try shooting the damn basket?

RK: Hang on. This is it right here. Your generation can't handle it. It's too layered, you know? It's too intricate.

_RK rushes towards the hoop and makes a layup._

RK: How was that?

KG: Not bad, minus the showboating.

RK: Showboating?

KG: Yeah, your grandstanding and your hot dogging. It's too flashy for my taste.

RK: KG, we're in the era where flash is the key. If you want to be taken seriously, you need to have an angle.

KG: Yeah. Your angle should be your talent. That's what the Boston Celtics had.

RK: Look, KG, I know Larry Bird won a couple titles in the 80s and did some crappy McDonald's commercials, but that's not important.

KG: I'm not talking about Larry Bird's Celtics, I'm talking about Kevin Garnett's Celtics. The 2007-2008 Boston Celtics, one of the greatest basketball teams ever assembled.

RK: No, not this again.

KG: Yes, baby bro, this again. If you really want to master the art of basketball, you have to move like those Celtics. They were dominant, they were graceful, and they were arrogant while having just enough humility to endear themselves to a mass audience.

RK: Yeah, and they also cured cancer, solved climate change, and saved the local rec center from getting turned into a shopping mall.

KG: How dare you disrespect the work the Big Three put in?

RK: I'm not saying they didn't put in work, but they only won one championship. What happened after that?

KG: LeBron got too strong. Nobody could stop him.

RK: That's probably true, but the point is, your dusty era means nothing these days. Basketball is going to move forward without your blind love of a team that no longer has the relevance to compete.

KG: You know, your ego is off the charts. How about you and I play a game?

RK: Really? I don't know, bro.

KG: You don't know, huh? Having flashbacks of all those times you got ran off the court?

RK: No, I just don't want to commit a hate crime against a poor, defenseless, old man such as yourself.

KG: Alright, that's it. It's on! I bet you can't even score...

_RK shoots the ball over KG's head and it lands directly into the hoop._

KG: ...a point against me.

RK: You were saying?

_Beat. KG sighs and cups his hands together as he looks towards the sky._

KG: Let the spirit of the '07-'08 Celtics guide me through this ass whooping.

SCENE 3

_("Step in the Arena" by Gang Starr plays in the background) _

_The montage shows KG unable to keep up as RK runs circles around him during the impromptu game. He is unable to guard RK for long because of the speed advantage in RK's favor. RK's jump shot is also far more developed, and when KG gets the ball, he second-guesses himself and constantly misses his shots. At one point, RK bounces the ball off KG's head, runs around him just for the sake of humiliating him, bounces the ball off his head again as he pathetically tries to steal the ball, and lands a three-pointer. The montage ends with RK rubbing KG's head and walking away with his index finger in the air, while KG stands around looking at his hands in disgust. _

SCENE 4

George Meyer High School

Interior Lunchroom

Seattle, Washington

_The next day, KG struggles to pick up his milk as his arm is sore, and Denise helps him by putting the carton to his mouth so he can drink it._

DENISE: There you go, babe.

KG: Thank you. You're an angel.

RODNEY: I still can't believe RK beat you so bad. What were you doing out there?

KG: I don't know. I thought I would be able to smoke him like I used to, but he was like a cyborg yesterday. It's like he was playing _NBA 2K _on easy mode and he f***ed up my settings so I was playing hall of fame mode.

DENISE: God, I wish I understood sports.

TREVOR: There's no coming back from this, KG. Your brother's the man of the house now. You're better off changing your name and moving to some backwoods part of the country.

KG: Why would I go into witness protection because RK beat me in a basketball game?

TREVOR: Well, you did see a murder...your own.

KG: Wait, so I'm going into WITSEC for seeing...

RODNEY: Why are you trying to analyze anything this fool says?

SCENE 5

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Lunchroom

Seattle, Washington

_At the same time, RK and the guys are discussing the basketball game._

RK: I couldn't believe it. For the first time, I beat KG at something. This is the moment I've been waiting for my entire life, and it came out of nowhere.

JAYLYNN: Well, it's not like KG plays basketball like you do. Of course, he would lose.

RK: Why hate, Jaylynn? Why not congratulate me on my incredible victory, why shit on me?

JAYLYNN: I'm not shitting on you.

RK: That's not how I see it. Your hatred is so strong, it's making this table levitate.

WADE: On one hand, RK, you should be proud of yourself. The younger sibling beating the older sibling is always a sign that the balance of power is beginning to shift.

RK: But on the other hand...

WADE: KG might use this against you. He's never lost anything to you before, so he might become bitter and petty.

RK: I don't know about that. KG and I have always had a tight bond, one amazing basketball win isn't going to change all that.

SPARKY: Eh, you never know. If my younger brother beat me, I would be petty too.

BUSTER: Same here. And then I would take my belt and give my younger brother a whooping. I would say, "You might have beaten me on the court, but this belt's undefeated, bitch."

_Beat._

BUSTER: Yeah, I would be a pretty harsh older brother.

SCENE 6

The Jennings Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

_After school, KG is watching TV when RK walks in._

RK: Hey.

KG: Hey.

RK: Listen, about yesterday, I think I might have overdid it on the court. That was just locker room talk. And I know it was a rough day for you, but I think you and I can put this aside. You know? Just be jolly old chaps about the whole thing.

_Beat._

RK: Brother?

KG: Do you really expect me to believe that horseshit?

RK: Come again?

KG: You heard me. You and I both know you can't put this aside. You finally beat me at something, I bet you haven't stopped thinking about it all day.

RK: Maybe so. And I might have told the guys so they would think I'm cool, but I meant what I said.

KG: Sure, you did. Admit it, you're trying to take my spot.

RK: Your spot? What the hell kinda spot are you talking about?

KG: My spot as the dominant male figure in this house. You might have gotten lucky yesterday, but I'm not moving. Not for you, or anybody.

RK: You need to stop being so paranoid. Can I help the fact that I'm in my prime and you play like a broken down gym teacher that needs six Midols every two hours?

KG: You bitch. Well, guess what? You might be able to talk trash on the court, but in this house, you're taking it out. Why don't you hop to it?

RK: Sure. Anything to make you feel special. What else shall I do, master?

KG: You could try going to the recycling center and taking our old newspapers. Oh, and maybe sweep up the floors. And how about you feed Mrs. Tuxedo Pants?

RK: It's already my job to feed her, she's my cat.

KG: Well, you don't do it enough. I'm tired of her staring at me with those bug eyes wondering where her food is.

RK: Fine. I'll do everything you said and then some. Because I don't get sore playing a game of basketball, old man.

_RK pats KG's knee and walks into the kitchen with a smirk. _

KG: If I really wanted to, I'd whip out the belt, but I almost feel sorry for him.

SCENE 7

The Fletcher Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

_KG and Denise are cuddled up together while watching TV. Out of nowhere, KG winces and holds his shoulder._

DENISE: You're still banged up from the game?

KG: Crazy, right? And here I thought puberty was supposed to make you faster and stronger.

DENISE: Seriously, what were you trying to do?

KG: Well, during the game, I had the ball and I thought I would go for my famous roundabout, "been around the world" trick shot. But RK saw it coming, denied me, and the next thing I knew, I was headed straight for the garbage cans.

DENISE: You never told me about that shot.

KG: Never had to. I thought I practiced that shot. Worked on that shot, perfected that shot. But I guess I would do a better job of actually getting shot.

DENISE: Maybe the reason you lost was because you were overthinking everything. From what I know about sports, that's pretty bad.

KG: I don't think so. When I was younger, I could play multiple games a day and not feel sore at all. I used to live for the court. Then I got distracted by playing the guitar, doing stand-up, and dating.

_Denise gives KG a curious look._

KG: Some distractions were better than others. But the point is, my fire got stripped away from me. Now, RK has the fire, but I'll put it out before he ends up burning me alive.

DENISE: And how are you gonna do that? He plays basketball way more than you.

KG: I'm not talking about basketball, I'm talking about his spirit. I've been keeping him busy with chores all week. Eventually, he'll break down, kiss the ring, and admit that he got lucky the other day.

DENISE: KG, why are you trying to compete with your brother? You're not gonna win that battle.

KG: Denise, I have to. I might be getting a little older, but I'm not ready to pass the torch yet. If I don't maintain my dominance, RK's gonna take over for good.

DENISE: You're 15 talking like you're 45. You don't see the problem with that?

KG: Not really, what's your point?

SCENE 8

The Jennings Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

_That night, RK is watching TV with Wade._

RK: Sometimes, it kills me how good you are at calling things. KG's off his nuts with all these chores he's giving me.

WADE: I know it sucks now, but he just can't face his own insecurity. He'll come to his senses soon.

RK: He better. I think it's even starting to mess with my wit. Jaylynn walked all over me in that argument we had today, I had no answer for her.

WADE: I didn't want to bring it up, but yeah, it was like taking a paralyzed cow to the slaughterhouse.

_KG walks downstairs and sees the guys watching TV._

KG: What's going on here? Don't you have a room to clean?

RK: I cleaned it already.

KG: Well, don't you have a kitchen floor to wipe down?

RK: I did it already. I'm here, so what's happening?

KG: What?

WADE: KG, maybe it's best you walk away.

RK: Yeah, can't you take a hint? It's guys night tonight. Me, Wade, and Earl are catching up, so make yourself scarce.

KG: Nah, I'm good. Besides, I need you to scrub the toilet upstairs. Here's a toothbrush. I've got some fingerless gloves in my room that you can use so at least your palms won't smell like piss.

RK: I'm not doing that, Kev. In fact, I'm done with these little chores.

KG: Excuse me?

RK: Don't think I don't know what you're up to. You're only working me like a dog because you can't accept the fact that I beat you at basketball. I'm not scrubbing any toilet tonight, or any other night.

KG: Well, maybe you can stay with Wade while you decide to defy my authority.

RK: You might be older than me, but you can't boss me around.

KG: Oh, I see what's going on here. You win one measly pickup game and you think you're a man? You think you have some balls now?

RK: I have enough balls to beat you like a bitch.

KG: You better be talking about basketball.

RK: Who knows? I could whoop your ass in other ways, senior citizen.

KG: Yeah, well, this senior citizen is still young enough to crack you in the jaw.

WADE: Enough, enough! This is asinine, you two. You can't let a basketball game cause this much trouble.

KG: Hey, he started it with all his grandstanding and hot dogging.

RK: You took away my wit!

KG: You violated the beauty of my trick shot!

WADE: You know what? Since basketball is the problem here, basketball will be the solution. It's obvious that you two can't agree on who the better man is, so you can settle it outside on that court.

KG: Fine with me. I need to prove to this chump that his win was a fluke.

RK: See, Wade, I would love to humilate KG one more time, but just beating him won't give me what I want. I want it all this time.

WADE: What do you mean?

RK: I mean, this next game should be a prizefight. If I win, KG becomes my personal servant, no questions asked, for six months. But if he wins, I'm his servant for six months.

WADE: I could write up a contract and make it official. Then tomorrow, after school, you guys can have your rematch.

RK: Does that sound like a deal, Kevin?

KG: Indeed, it does, Ryan. But just know that I wasn't ready that first game. I know all your moves now, so there's no way I'll let you beat me again.

SCENE 9

The Jennings Household

Exterior Backyard

Seattle, Washington

_The next day after school, RK spins past KG and lands a layup while Wade watches._

RK: YES! I'm the king of the house! Wade, what's the final score?

WADE: RK, you scored 21. KG, you scored 3. Per the rules of the contract, KG is now RK's personal servant for the next six months.

RK: Apparently.

KG: Come on, that was just some dumb wager that's not even legally binding.

WADE: You both signed the contract an hour ago.

KG: Forgery?

WADE: My work here is done. RK, congratulations on your win.

_Wade shakes hands with RK and leaves through the backyard. _

RK: Thank you, Wade, for making sure everybody got what they wanted. Well, KG, I would say you're not on my level, but that's just a cheap shot. You know you suck, you played the game. I'll give you my homework later.

_RK pats KG on the shoulder and runs inside the house. KG looks at the basketball and his mind begins forming images on the basketball of RK stomping on KG's face, soaring in the air to make a slam dunk, and knocking him unconscious with the basketball. _

KG: He's right. He really is the king.

_KG kicks the basketball to the side and goes back inside._

SCENE 10

George Meyer High School

Interior Lunchroom

Seattle, Washington

_The next day, KG is eating with his friends. _

DENISE: Wait, so he really beat you, 21-0?

KG: Hell no, he didn't beat me, 21-0. I scored that three-pointer early into the game. So for a short time, I was in the lead, and I was better than him.

RODNEY: Then what happened?

KG: He kicked my ass something fierce. I'm ruined. I spent years trying to be better than RK, and now, he's this next level basketball machine. I can't compete with that.

TREVOR: Do you really have to be your brother's personal servant for six months?

KG: Yeah. I'm contractually obligated to.

DENISE: So? That sissy contract doesn't mean anything, rip it the f*** up.

_Beat._

DENISE: I'm sorry, I'm just mad you have to go through this.

RODNEY: Hey, at least it's over.

KG: Is it really? It's just beginning. RK's probably thinking about hundreds of crazy things to make me do.

TREVOR: I know it's too late for this, but maybe you should have practiced.

KG: You think?! But even if I did practice, this day would still come.

DENISE: What day?

KG: The day the older sibling realizes their younger sibling is superior to them in every way. Venus used to be good, but once Serena stepped up, she became a nobody. Matt Hardy spent years in Jeff Hardy's shadow. Peyton Manning had to step aside for Eli.

RODNEY: Peyton Manning is one of the greatest quarterbacks of all-time.

KG: Maybe, but I don't remember Peyton beating the Patriots twice in the Super Bowl. I do remember him getting sliced up in his brother's own stadium.

DENISE: I don't think Danielle has ever had that day with me.

TREVOR: That's probably because she's better than you at everything.

_Denise gives Trevor an annoyed look._

TREVOR: What? I'm just going off KG's logic, damn.

SCENE 11

The Jennings Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

_After school, RK is at the steps waiting for KG._

RK: KG, hurry up! I have to meet the guys at Ike's!

_At that point, KG stiffly walks downstairs wearing a chauffeur cap, a suit jacket, black dress pants, black dress shoes, and a Los Angeles Lakers jersey over a black T-shirt. He has a bored expression on his face._

KG: I look like a dumbass. And why am I wearing this stupid jersey?

RK: It's symbolic. For years, the Lakers ran L.A. while the Clippers were one of the shittiest teams around. Now, things have changed, and the Clippers have the juice. Meanwhile, the last time the Lakers made the playoffs, we weren't all owned by Disney.

KG: This is ridiculous. I look like a cross between a British butler and a fat guy from Wisconsin.

RK: Well, a contract is a contract. Simple as that. Alright, how about you try your accent?

KG: I'm not doing the accent.

RK: You agreed to do the accent on command. Now, do the accent as requested, Timothy.

_KG sighs._

_*fake Cockney accent* _KG: My name is Timothy. I am here to bring joy to RK Jennings and serve him. He is the overseer of the universe, the man that brings light to darkness...

RK: Wait, wait, stop, stop. This was a f***ing terrible idea. That accent is creepy, don't do it again.

SCENE 12

Fernando's Pizza

Interior Dining Area

Seattle, Washington

_KG is sleeping right near the cash register when Mr. Ansolabehere walks up to him._

MR. ANSOLABEHERE: WAKE UP!

KG: RK, I'M SORRY, I'LL DO BETTER NEXT TIME!

MR. ANSOLABEHERE: Huh? KG, what's wrong with you? You haven't been up to Fernando's standards these days.

KG: Nothing, it's just some personal stuff. I lost a bet to my brother and now, I'm his personal servant for six months. I can't even handle six weeks!

MR. ANSOLABEHERE: What was the bet?

KG: Basketball. He beat me the first time, and then we bet each other the second time. Now, he has me right where he wants me.

MR. ANSOLABEHERE: Damn brothers. Can't live with them, can't live without them. I had four brothers, and I was right in the middle. My oldest brother Tony was cool, but my older brother Larry was a dick. He was always better than me at everything. Girls liked him, he was a freak athlete, and he had a voice like Sinatra.

KG: How did you deal with it?

MR. ANSOLABEHERE: I accepted my inferiority and treated my younger brothers worse. Look, kid, sometimes, there's nothing you can do to get one over on a person. They'll always have something you don't, and if Parmesan is that good with a basketball, you have to accept it.

KG: What if I didn't accept it?

MR. ANSOLABEHERE: Doesn't matter. You can't do anything about a guy that's five years younger than you. He hasn't even reached his full potential yet.

KG: Maybe you're right, Mr. Ansolabehere. But for now, I'm just going to do whatever he wants. Then he'll tire himself out and everything will go back to normal.

MR. ANSOLABEHERE: I know I'm right. I understand human psychology better than anyone. And wipe the drool off the counter, this is a classy establishment I'm running.

KG: You sound just like RK.

_Beat._

KG: I mean, I'll get to wiping.

SCENE 13

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Hallway

Seattle, Washington

_KG walks into the hallway wearing his servant uniform and sunglasses, and holds the door open for RK and Buster as they enter the school triumphantly. _

KG: Can I go now?

RK: Not yet. Do the thing.

KG: I'm not doing the thing.

RK: You'll do the thing as contractually obligated, Timothy.

KG: F***, fine. Hop on.

_RK gets on KG's back and KG begins to neigh like a horse. He then takes him to the guys and drops him on his back._

RK: Ow!

KG: I'm not contractually obligated to give you a safe landing. Hey Buster, you want what RK got?

BUSTER _(O.S.)_: I'm fine. You go about your business, Timothy.

_KG walks off screen and Bustet walks on screen. RK gets up and dusts himself off._

RK: Timothy's a little on edge this morning.

SPARKY: How did this happen?

RK: KG was chauffeuring me to school when we saw Buster and I made him hit the brakes.

SPARKY: No, I mean, KG doing your bidding? How did that happen?

RK: You don't remember me telling you about the basketball game? The contract that Wade wrote up?

SPARKY: Right, right. I kinda thought that was a joke.

JAYLYNN: Hey, you think KG could give me the same ride he gave you?

RK: You want my brother to drop you on your ass?

JAYLYNN: No, I want him to try doing it. Basketball won't be the only thing he gets his ass beat in.

SCENE 14

The Jennings Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

_That night, the kids are watching TV and eating ice cream. _

JAYLYNN: And you see, that's why "Just Say No" never made sense to me. What about the kids who grow up in places with all types of drug dealers? They can just say no, but they can also say yes to a bullet in their chest.

RK: Jaylynn, you mind stepping out of 1991 for a second?

JAYLYNN: Look who's talking!

_KG walks in carrying a laundry basket full of clothes._

RK: Hey Geoffrey, you took care of my washables?

KG: Yes. Your _Madden _clothes are all clean and ready to wear again.

RK: Excellent. In the meantime, you can see what else needs to be done. Remember, a good worker creates work.

KG: As you wish, you spiky-haired peckerwood.

RK: What?

KG: You know what I said.

_KG drops the basket on a nearby table and leaves for the kitchen._

BUSTER: I thought your servant name for your brother was "Timothy."

RK: Yeah, I got sick of that. Now, I'll just call him whatever butlers I remember from TV.

WADE: You have _Madden _clothes?

RK: Yeah, I exert a lot of energy whenever I play _Madden_, so I have a designated set of clothes. When I wear them, I can sweat as much as I want, eat and drink with no class, and they're also really convenient when you can't go to the bathroom.

SPARKY: We're all still eating here.

RK: Sorry.

_Jaylynn accidentally drops her spoon, which causes her bowl of ice cream to slip out of her hands and land on the floor._

JAYLYNN: Crap, I ruined RK's good carpeting.

RK: It's okay. Bertram will take care of it. Hey Bertram!

_KG walks back into the living room._

KG: What?

RK: Jaylynn made a spill. Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to scrub every inch of the affected area so there's no ice cream residue in sight.

KG: Anything else?

RK: Yeah.

_RK intentionally drops his spoon on the floor._

RK: I dropped my spoon. Get me a new one while you're at it.

KG: Or maybe I'll tear you a new one!

_KG growls and takes off his suit jacket. All the kids look frightened. _

SPARKY: Guys, this looks like a one-on-one thing. Let's bounce.

BUSTER: But what if RK dies?

SPARKY: Then we'll be the first ones at the funeral. Hit the bricks!

_Sparky, Buster, Wade, and Jaylynn all run out of the house._

KG: Look, I appreciate that you're getting your kicks out of making me look like an idiot, but I've had it. If Mr. Ansolabehere treated his employees like this, he would have been sued years ago.

RK: Hey, don't get upset with me, Bailey. I beat you clean as a whistle out there, twice. I'm living up to my end of the deal, so you have to live up to yours.

KG: Then how about we rip up that contract and propose a new deal?

RK: What did you have in mind?

KG: Well, regardless of what you or anyone else thinks, I still believe I can beat you. So, here's the new deal. We play one more game of basketball. You get your friends to spectate, I'll get my friends to spectate. If you win, you get the next government check and my next paycheck all to yourself, I'll admit to all of our friends that you're the greatest basketball player of all-time, and I'll clean your room for an entire year.

RK: Holy shit, that's wild. Wait a minute, what's the caveat?

KG: The what?

RK: The catch, what happens if I lose? Come on, man, education?

KG: Okay. If I win...

RK: Wait, you know what? It doesn't even matter what the caveat is because you can't beat me. Tomorrow after school, we stick a fork in this for good.

KG: You must think I'm Booboo the Fool. Nah, give me some time to get ready. I need to work on my game and make sure I'm 100% prepared to destroy you. Just give me one week.

RK: Hey, I'll give you two weeks. In the meantime, I'm going to relax, and visualize how I'm going to spend all that extra money.

_RK begins to walk upstairs with his ice cream. _

KG: Just know something, RK. You may have beaten me twice, but there's no chance in hell you're beating me thrice.

RK: Thrice?

KG: Three times. And you wanna talk about education, get outta here.

_RK shakes his head and continues walking upstairs. _

KG: It's taking every fiber in my being to keep me from whipping out the belt.

_Beat._

KG: You know what? I actually want to clean up that ice cream now.

SCENE 15

George Meyer High School

Interior Lunchroom

Seattle, Washington

_The next day, KG and his friends are eating. _

KG: So, there it is. I'm going to beat RK in two weeks and there's nothing anyone can do to stop me.

RODNEY: You know, K, I admire your determination and the fact that you don't give up easily. But I think I speak for everyone at this table when I say...are you out of your f***ing mind?!

TREVOR: Yeah, man. When RK beats you in two weeks, he's going to leave you some hobbled gimp licking soup off the floor.

KG: No, he's not. I figured out why RK has been getting the upper hand. The last two times we played, I had no preparation. I couldn't guess his timing, I couldn't scout him, and he was more in shape than me. But if I go hard practicing, I'll ball out in two weeks.

RODNEY: I hope you're right. I don't want to see your little brother make you look like Michael Jordan on the Wizards.

DENISE: Yeah, yeah, basketball stuff. Look, guys, we need to believe in KG. If he thinks he can beat his brother, then we should support him when the game starts.

KG: Thanks Denise. You always believe in me.

DENISE: And it's because I want to, not because I have to.

TREVOR: Hey, if RK wins, you think he might give me some of the prize money?

KG: No, because he thinks you're some weird, stupid pothead.

TREVOR: I'm not weird!

KG: Yeah, one out of three isn't enough to make him like you.

SCENE 16

_("Right Now (NBA Version)" by The Pussycat Dolls plays in the background)_

_The montage shows the first few days of KG's practicing for the third game. He trains at home on the backyard court, the gymnasium at his high school, and the basketball court at Northgate Community Center. Initially, he misses his shots frequently and lacks speed, but as his muscle memory improves and he spends more time on individual shots, he slowly begins to regain the skills he once had. At night, while practicing at home, KG gets watched by RK while he eats a cheese danish. RK notices that KG is becoming faster and more competent with making shots like he used to be, but he remains unimpressed. _

SCENE 17

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Lunchroom

Seattle, Washington

_One day, the kids are eating lunch._

RK: So KG is starting to look like he knows what he's doing out there. Reminds me of the days when he was a way better player than me. Good thing those days are over.

JAYLYNN: Maybe they aren't.

RK: What are you implying, Hernandez?

JAYLYNN: Dude, KG's probably training like an animal for this game. He's not going to embarrass himself in front of everybody. The only thing he wants is to run you off the court.

RK: Look, KG's time is over. Just because he practices a little, doesn't mean he can keep up with me.

SPARKY: RK, maybe it wouldn't hurt if you practiced.

WADE: Yeah. If you don't take KG seriously, he'll take advantage of your arrogance. Then the balance of power will shift right back in his favor.

RK: Do you guys know why I like to call myself the White Mamba?

JAYLYNN: No, because I don't need a reason to hate you.

RK: It's because I am inspired by the greatest basketball player of his generation, the Black Mamba himself, Kobe Bryant. See, Kobe and I have the same mentality. We hold nothing back on the court. We step up when it counts, and our warrior spirit is what pushes us to reach heights we never thought possible.

BUSTER: But didn't Kobe practice all the time?

RK: Buster, please. You guys are over here talking about practice. Not even the game, but practice. Practice? Not the game that I love, and put my heart and soul into every time, but practice? You're talking about practice? How am I supposed to make myself better by practicing?

_Beat._

RK: Yeah, maybe I should practice.

SCENE 18

_("Right Now (NBA Version)" by The Pussycat Dolls plays in the background)_

_Similar to KG's montage, RK is practicing for the basketball game at various locations: The backyard home court, the gym at iCarly Elementary, and the basketball court at Ken Griffey, Jr. Park. Unlike KG, RK utilizes training partners, using all of the guys to play practice games against. RK also incorporates unorthodox diet and exercise choices. One morning, he runs into the kitchen wearing a sweatsuit and jogs in place while looking for something in the refrigerator. He sees a carton of eggs, but ignores it and goes for a container of glazed donuts. Later on, he is grilling the donuts while pairing them with strawberry and banana pieces. He is later shown running through the streets of Seattle, then up the steps of the Northgate Community Center in a reference to "Rocky," but the steps are nowhere near the amount of the "Rocky" steps. One night, RK is practicing in the backyard as Denise watches, similar to how RK was watching KG._

SCENE 19

The Jennings Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

_That night, Denise is talking to RK while he watches TV._

RK: You want me to throw the game?!

DENISE: Only if you need to. Let's just say, KG can't put up nearly as many points as you. You can help him out by making it easier for him.

RK: Forget it. I'm not handing him the win, he has to earn it.

DENISE: RK, you don't get it. If KG loses, his ego is going to be crushed. I can't deal with you beating him three times in a row. I just need an insurance policy.

RK: Haven't you heard that iron sharpens iron? If I want to prove that I'm the best, I have to play like it, and it's not fair to KG to give hiim the win.

DENISE: Look, I'm telling you for the last time. KG's going to shut down if you beat him again. Do the right thing and take a dive.

RK: Is that a threat?

DENISE: No, it's a promise.

RK: How is that a promise? A promise of what?

DENISE: I don't know, stop analyzing things.

RK: Denise, I've always liked you, but KG deserves my best. And if you don't leave this alone, I can always get Anna to make you leave it alone.

DENISE: I'm not scared of your little girlfriend.

RK: You should be. She knows Brazilian jujitsu.

DENISE: Really?

RK: No, just karate, but still, that's not something to mess around with.

SCENE 20

The Jennings Household

Exterior Backyard

Seattle, Washington

_The next day, RK and KG are doing some stretches before the game. Sparky, Buster, Wade, Jaylynn, Rodney, Denise, and Trevor are all in attendance watching the game on a makeshift bench near the court. KG is wearing a Boston Celtics jersey with Kevin Garnett's last name and number, while RK is wearing a Kobe Bryant jersey with his original number, 8._

RK: Nice attire you got on there.

KG: Thanks. You know, this is actually a replica of the same jersey Kevin Garnett wore in the 2008 NBA Finals. The same Finals where the Celtics stomped the Lakers out?

RK: Oh yeah? And what happened two years later?

_Beat._

KG: Let's just do this.

SCENE 21

_("Check the Technique" by Gang Starr plays in the background)_

_The Jennings brothers finally have their third basketball game. Unlike previous games, KG is at RK's level as his practice has paid off, confusing his brother at various points, increasing the pace of the game so RK can't keep up, and making longer shots that are harder for RK to block due to the distances the ball travels. RK is still able to keep the game competitive, but the narrative is that now, he is being pushed to his limit. At one point, KG goes for a layup, but RK steals the ball from under him, spins around and makes the basket. At this point, the game is tied at 17._

_As time goes on, the game becomes more of a defensive struggle as neither brother is given many opportunities to score. However, RK is able to make the potential play of the game with a three-pointer, taking a 20-17 lead and having game point. RK's friends are already celebrating while KG's friends look anxious. Due to it being game point, RK checks the ball up, and KG immediately takes the ball to the hoop for a layup. 20-18, RK. Another check, and RK gets it. He goes for the game-winning shot, but KG blocks it and gets the ball. He then hits Kareem Abdul-Jabbar's sky hook move to make the game 20-19. Both brothers are visibly spent, and even though RK is one point away from winning, he looks rattled and begins to have doubt._

_KG takes advantage of RK's newfound lack of confidence and perfectly executes the roundabout, "been around the world" trick shot that he tried to unveil in the first game. 20-20. With the game tied again, the ball is checked up, and RK gets the ball. His eyes look crazed as he dribbles twice, then makes a desperation shot that he refuses to look at. He then collapses on the court from exhaustion, and the ball lands in the hoop. 21-20, RK. The members of TSE rush to the court and grab RK, while KG's friends rush to embrace a stoic KG. Sparky, Buster, Wade, and Jaylynn hold up RK on their shoulders, while KG's friends console him. RK and KG lock eyes, and they both nod at each other._

SCENE 22

The Jennings Household

Interior RK's Bedroom

Seattle, Washington

_Later on, RK is in his room resting when he hears a knock at the door. _

RK: Come in.

_KG walks in._

KG: Hey.

RK: Hey.

KG: I'm sorry I didn't tell everybody you're the GOAT player. I'll get around to it.

RK: Don't bother. The deal's off.

KG: Wait, what? But you won, you deserve everything.

RK: Look, KG, I was thinking about it and honestly, it doesn't matter. I thought I would just roll over you today and you showed me that you can still kick my ass. I wasn't confident about that last shot at all.

KG: Really? Because you showed me you can kick my ass. To tell you the truth, this whole thing is my fault.

RK: How? You didn't trash talk me and make me your servant.

KG: Yeah, but I was the one who got all upset that you beat me. I guess it's not easy for me to accept that you're growing up, so I let my ego get the best of me.

RK: Don't beat yourself up, bro. I didn't make it any easier. I let the wins get to my head and I treated you like crap. I was acting like some wealthy teenage white girl.

KG: Eh, you did a little bit. What are we doing, man? We're brothers, not rivals. We shouldn't be competing against each other.

RK: Right. You know, if we teach each other our moves, we'll be unstoppable.

KG: Two of the greatest basketball players to ever live. So, what do you say? We call a truce?

RK: Ah, put it there, brother.

_RK and KG shake hands and hug each other. _

KG: So, did Denise really ask you to let me win? She told me she was ashamed.

RK: Yeah. But I told her it wouldn't be fair to you if I let that happen. Did you yell at her?

KG: No, I just told her she was a really bad girl and she owes me one.

RK: Owes you what?

KG: I'll tell you when you're my age, short stack.

_Cut to black._

_("Get There" by Robert Randolph and the Family Band plays over the end credits)_

©2019 ANDERSON PRODUCTIONS

_In memory of Eunetta T. Boone_

_1955 - 2019_


	2. Brothers & Basketball Backstage Pass

_PRODUCTION/CULTURAL REFERENCES (written 11/18/19)_

-Last week's episode has been delayed for the rest of the year. Out of all the episodes this season, it has been giving me the most trouble and working on it right now will just be a pointless distraction. I'm trying to see if I can go back to it next month and release it on January 12, 2020. If this happens, the show will come back from winter break a week earlier. This will also make up for the fact that the first half of season eight was supposed to have 13 episodes, but everything is subject to change.

-I don't remember exactly when I came up with this idea, but it is, at the most, a year old. I know I came up with it after watching "Of Breasts and Basketball" months ago. I had watched the episode before, but this was the first time I actually paid attention to the story. I started thinking about how it would work as a Jennings brothers episode, and when I first started scheduling episodes for season eight, this one was part of the original list.

-In this episode, KG plays Michael and RK plays Junior. Like every cover episode, the original plot and characterizations are followed as much as possible while making sure it stays true to the _Thank You, Heavenly _universe. However, there is a major difference with the ending. In the original episode, Michael beats Junior in the third game, and teaches him about the importance of respecting the fundamentals of basketball. In the last scene, Michael talks with his wife Jay about the episode's events, stating that he let his ego get in the way and he felt silly trying to compete with his son. I felt like it was important for Michael to learn that lesson, but it would have meant more if he admitted to Junior that he made the problem worse. I also felt like the entire episode was being told from Michael's perspective, so from the outside looking in, it just seems like Junior was the antagonist for most of it. With this episode, I wanted more of a balance. Both RK and KG act irrationally, they both make the problem worse, they both get humbled, and they both learn a lesson at the end.

-This episode is a lot like "KG Gets a Job" in that the Jennings brothers get the majority of the screentime and Sparky, Buster, Wade, and Jaylynn don't do much. Wade acts like a mediator when RK and KG are about to come to blows, but both episodes go in a similar direction. I have another KG-centered episode coming up, but this time, the guys will at least have more to do in the subplot.

-This episode is also somewhat shorter than most episodes of the show, especially this season. My biggest worry when I write is that I won't write enough and because of that, the episode ends up longer than it should have been. Plus, I tend to keep a lot of stuff (except in cases like "Toys Have All the Fun") so that makes it harder to decrease the length. With cover episodes, they usually write themselves so I don't have to worry much about writing longer and additional scenes, even if the plots of the shows I cover have less scenes than a typical episode of the show. In this case, the episode was definitely short on length, and I had to try to stretch certain scenes out. By the time KG becomes RK's personal servant, the script hadn't even reached 4,000 words, which is my halfway point. I decided to just keep going with the story and write additional scenes later, but I ended up keeping what I originally wrote, barely getting over 7,000 words. I also procrastinated and dealt with writer's block when I was doing this episode, because I had no idea how to start it. I was thinking about some scenes of KG struggling with getting older, but it just felt like filler. I didn't have any ideas for a subplot, either. To keep it simple, I haven't struggled with a cover episode this much since "The Simpsons Movie: Thank You, Heavenly Edition." Hopefully, the next one goes smoother.

-RK references Gregg Popovich, the head coach and president of the NBA's San Antonio Spurs. He is one of the most successful coaches not only in the history of basketball, but in all of sports.

-KG's use of "grandstanding and hot dogging" is a reference to professional wrestler "Macho Man" Randy Savage, who used those terms to describe Hulk Hogan during their feud in 1989.

-RK references Larry Bird's three championships won as a member of the Boston Celtics (1981, 1984, 1986) and the McDonald's commercial that Bird took part in with Michael Jordan in 1991.

-KG references the "Big Three" era of the Boston Celtics, featuring Kevin Garnett, Paul Pierce, and Ray Allen. After many years of struggling, the Celtics signed both Garnett and Allen in the summer of 2007, and the following season, they became the best team in basketball with a 66-16 record. The Celtics ended up defeating the Los Angeles Lakers in the 2008 NBA Finals in six games, winning their first NBA championship since 1986.

-I had considered using both "Step in the Arena" and "Check the Technique" in previous episodes of the series ("The RK Quiz Show Fiasco" and "The Ringer," respectively) before I went in another direction. However, I had recently been listening to the _Step in the Arena _album so the songs were on my mind. Before I started listening to the album again, I was considering other songs for the episode like "Riot" by Three Days Grace, "Always" by Saliva, and "Nothing on Me" by Jacob Latimore. "Riot" and "Always" had been considered for months.

-KG references the _NBA 2K _video game series.

-When KG asks RK about the kitchen floor, RK responds by referencing rapper Birdman's radio interview on _The Breakfast Club _on April 22, 2016.

-KG references famous siblings in the world of sports: Tennis players Venus and Serena Williams, professional wrestlers Matt and Jeff Hardy, and quarterbacks Peyton and Eli Manning.

-KG references Eli Manning's two Super Bowl wins over the New England Patriots. In Super Bowl XLII, the New York Giants (led by Eli) upset the previously undefeated Patriots 17-14, ending their bid for a perfect season. Four years later in Super Bowl XLVI, the Giants once again beat the Patriots in a 21-17 victory. KG also references Super Bowl XLVIII, where the Denver Broncos (led by Peyton) lost to the Seattle Seahawks with a final score of 43-8. It is considered one of the worst defeats in Super Bowl history, and the game was played at MetLife Stadium in East Rutherford, New Jersey (the home of the Giants).

-RK making KG wear a Lakers jersey is a metaphor meant to point out the fact that the team once considered superior (KG, Lakers) has now become a laughingstock while the originally inferior team (RK, Clippers) has now improved. RK also references Disney's acquisition of 20th Century Fox earlier this year, taking place six years after the Lakers' last playoff appearance (2013).

-While I was writing this episode, I watched an anti-drug PSA on YouTube which showed sympathy for kids who grew up in low-income areas surrounded by drug dealers, and questioned the effectiveness of the "Just Say No" campaign that was prominent back in the 1980s and 1990s. This is what led me to write Jaylynn's lines about the campaign.

-RK refers to KG by the names of three different fictional servants: Geoffrey from the NBC sitcom _The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air _(1990-1996), Bertram from the Disney Channel sitcom _Jessie _(2011-2015), and Bailey from the PBS children's television series _Arthur _(1996-).

-RK's "_Madden _clothes" are used whenever he plays the _Madden NFL _video game series.

-Rodney worries that RK will make KG look like "Michael Jordan on the Wizards." After Jordan retired from the NBA for the second time in 1999, he became part owner and president of basketball operations for the Washington Wizards a year later. However, in 2001, he decided to make a comeback, and played two seasons for the Wizards. The Wizards failed to make the playoffs in either season, and Jordan ended up being injured during his first season, playing only 60 of the 82 regular-season games.

-"Right Now (NBA Version)" is a song that I remember from my childhood, because the NBA used it for its _NBA on ABC _coverage during the 2006-2007 season.

-RK's nickname "The White Mamba" comes from Kobe Bryant, who started referring to himself as "The Black Mamba" many years ago to help cope with issues in his personal life. A few years ago, I found out about the nickname, so I had RK adapt it as a joke. Now, everything has come full-circle, and ironically, in the final season.

-RK references Allen Iverson's famous 2002 press conference where he responded to criticism about him missing multiple practice sessions. During the conference, he rants about why people are choosing to talk about practice and not the actual game of basketball, and uses the word "practice" 14 times. RK referencing the "practice" rant was one of the earliest ideas I had for the episode.

-Denise telling RK to throw the game was something I was considering making a bigger deal later on in the episode, but I was running short on time so I decided to just make a reference to it in the final scene.

-RK references the Lakers beating the Celtics in the 2010 NBA Finals in seven games, in a rematch of their meeting in 2008.

-During the game, KG uses the sky hook, which was popularized by Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. In the original episode, Michael uses this move to beat Junior.

-With the third game, I knew I wanted it to be hard-fought and one that would take a lot out of both RK and KG. Even though RK won, it was by the skin of his teeth, through a desperation shot that he couldn't even look at because of how uncertain he was over it.

-"Get There" is another song I have an attachment to, due to the MSG Network using a reworked version of it for their broadcasts of New York Knicks games on Friday nights (_Friday Night Knicks_). I don't know for sure if they still use it now, but I know they did when I was in junior high and high school, and as late as 2017.

-This episode is dedicated to writer and producer Eunetta T. Boone, who is the credited writer for "Of Breasts and Basketball." She died on March 20, 2019 at her home in Los Angeles from a heart attack. Boone worked on many sitcoms over the years, like _The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air_, _Living Single _(1993-1998), and _The Hughleys _(1998-2002). She was also the creator/showrunner of the UPN sitcom _One on One _(2001-2006) and its spinoff _Cuts _(2005-2006). At the time of her death, Boone had been working on the Disney Channel sitcom _Raven's Home _(2017-) as the showrunner and an executive producer for its third season. I didn't know Boone wrote "Of Breasts and Basketball" until I looked it up, and with her death being so recent, I decided to dedicate the episode to her.


End file.
